Life is a teacher and some lessons are easier than others.
‘Let the journey begin’ could be taken as a misleading title because, in truth, life has always been a journey. What this is for me is a new cycle. Six months ago, or even six weeks ago, there would be no way I could imagine that I would be putting myself out there into the big wide world like a courageous youth ready to risk it all. That is the beauty of the Devine; it loves to take you to places that you could truly never fathom on your own.
I grew up in a middle class, white Australian family and became the perfect social citizen. I became a successful teacher, mother and wife. I always held a positive streak about life, completely optimistic, I still do but it is a little different these days, and I ticked all the boxes. Well that was what I convinced myself to believe and I dazzled the world with. The truth is I was missing something, deep down in the depths of my consciousness there was a voice always whispering to me, “There is more, you have more to give than this.” Now, please do not think that I am judging anyone who is married, a mother and a teacher; they are all admirable in their own right. No, my point is I adopted masks and personas in order to ignore the niggling I carried with me everywhere. The niggling that I now have to come to understand as my Higher Self reminding me that I was not living my truth, that I was not living the purpose I had planned for myself before I entered into this life and I was denying myself the very thing that I was desiring all along.
Rumi’s words became my very reality; “What you seek is seeking you.” The day came for me when I could no longer live a mediocre life. That all the ‘protective’ masks and personalities could no longer pass as an existence. I became an anxious, panicky mess and I knew that things could no longer continue. My throat and chest became tight and every cell in me and in my consciousness was screaming, “STOP!” It was at that moment I had to make decisions that drastically changed my world. I had to ‘quit’ my job and my marriage. Here is another beauty of the Devine, there are moments where you are stepping off the cliff, where you know there is no other way forward and that you have to let yourself fall. And just like Alice falling down the rabbit hole, I fell into the Dark Night of the Soul. It was as if the Universe picked me up by my ankles, shook me until every last thing fell out of my pockets, and then said “Now do something with it!”
I have a determined spirit, and I was not going to give up or give in. I came close to wanting to and there were times where I wished I could just dissolve. Yet at the same time, while I was going through the most difficult mental and emotional time of my life, I was discovering the most beautiful and magical existence of the Divinity. The Devine Feminine who was calling me out to wake up and come out of the amnesia, to stop and listen to what my Higher Self wanted me to understand, held me tightly. I was a spiritual babe and my ‘parents’ were invisible. Over the years I came to really understand and value the mythology of the Phoenix. For you to come out in your blazing, magical, powerful glory, you must first burn and die. I know it sounds dramatic, but it was one of the greatest lessons I could ever learn. Now I recognise its presence; I now take the circumstance by the reins and hold on with excitement because I know great things will be coming my way. I just have to let whatever it is that no longer serves me to burn away into ashes.
“Over the years I came to really understand and value the mythology of the Phoenix.”
It was when I began to understand, and embrace, the concepts of impermanence and surrendering to my Higher Self my strength and vitality returned. I had succeeded in removing all of my masks and personas, I let my Higher Self take the driver’s seat and I let life flow. It was at that point I truly began to love myself. As that happened my personal power developed and I stepped out of the Dark Night of the Soul.
I had done the work that was necessary to step into my purpose and live life fully and meaningfully. Which brings us back to the title of this blog post, and its deception. I have always been on a journey, I just wasn’t aware of it. However, I am most definitely commencing a new cycle. I am excited to begin this new chapter with Gypsy Feather. This is the moment where I step fully into my divine purpose, without fear, with great love and enthusiasm, because I am ready to begin.
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